Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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