Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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