i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And then he peed in my hair
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