if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
