You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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