Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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