your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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