I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
