My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
