MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
