i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
