you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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