He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
