Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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