The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
