I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
