There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
