just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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