my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
