Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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