We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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