I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
