I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
