ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
