you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
