Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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