when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
