my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
