so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
