this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
