Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I currently don't understand fingers.
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