It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
