I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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