I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
