I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
