I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
