Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
