he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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