Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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