6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
smell my finger.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
