Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
