Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
