Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
