i just had sex bonerless
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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