He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
