in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
