I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
