when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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