Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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