o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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